Ambition Ambivalencies & Ambiguity

Today the network is down and hence I cannot do anything else but listen to some songs and talk to people and, ah, yea and think. So it’s better to think and pen down something rather than think and do nothing.

I don’t know why I decide to write on ambition, it’s picked by an absolutely random spike of thought. And perhaps, because I feel confused about the whole scenario of ambition and achievements and successes and failures and the world surrounding it. It goes back to our school days (considering our good old Indian scenario); where we were told and preached to perform the obvious compulsions to our possible bests, and the only yardstick was academics (unfortunately, though) and hence there were Ramas, Ravanas and Hanumanas according to the reflections of their report cards. I still feel this could have been better; it’s still not that bad anyways. But I think that compulsive force drives us to places we are forced to realize are the places we want to be, and the sad thing is that this becomes a way we live and we continue flowing with the rivers all the time.

Yes, the domination of herd becomes distinctly visible here. At least to my software engineer friends it should. The path has been more or less same for all of us. An above average score in secondary examinations mixed with the social notion of science as the life gate for the high scorer student takes you to science field. And in spite of the huge ocean of opportunities, we filter out engineering and medical and decide to increment the unimaginable container of proficient and hollow and pretending and amazing and all sorts of ‘technical experts’ by one. Parents happy, the guy looks ‘settled’, for at least next few years no more brainstorming of ‘what do I do with my life?’

So, we enter this herd container, next arrives the feeling of greed and incompleteness, now the guy wants more, what do I do now! A master’s degree, hmm yea looks like a good option! Done with technical stuff, lets try management. Or the great mentos minds will go and give a GRE, (arrre yaar, why waste all the knowledge that we have gained without doing an MS? from a cool university!)

So, we end up getting a big fat job, everything is fine, the career is made, life mystery resolved, life is beautiful! Convince your girl friend’s dad, get married! Just give your parents a hint your want to tie, they will get your married (I don’t understand, why getting your first son working is such a big dream). Have kids, join a gym and try to lose fat, get a spacious car, get appraised, and get screwed for getting appraised! You are in thirties and it’s still a long way left.

It doesn’t impress me, it never did, and it never shall (hopefully!). We form the herd, run with it, and we never find time to sit back and realize that it’s not always a race that we have to win. We never know what we want and what we need!

When I compare myself to peers, I feel contented, desires lacking and ambitions unclear! But may be it’s just at the surface as it looks like, perhaps it’s a deception, a blind walk along the herd. I console myself by telling that hopefully I think beyond the herd and will do something that everyone doesn’t, but the mere fact that I think this and never implements it puts me at the centre of that huge mediocre crowd trying to make a point. But yea, there is one thing that makes some of us different, the realization of the fact that what difference would it make when we get out of this herd! We become part of another herd. Existence isn’t as simple as mathematics, or for the matter of fact, not even as simple as astro-physics. Its complex, at least for me! Think.




14 Responses to “Ambition Ambivalencies & Ambiguity”

  1. meTaL Says:

    Ambition is the engine of your career. Can’t do much without it. Of course, it’s important to be a good “human being” and all that jazz, but the only way you can be consistently good at what you will be doing for what like…80% of your life is by having ambition. Of course I’m not talking about Rand-esque OCDs, but the element of ambition is essential for achieving anything (not necessarily related to your career).

  2. desh Says:

    existence is much simpler than any of those
    u can just BE
    IT industry is good, it is th only place whr u can just BE, not work n earn, get fat
    its all about wht one’s ambition are, we shud not forget tht we are in a country whr ambition can mean even getting a square meal

    but its a sin being in good postion like us tht we wasted n took th normal route, its not th we are not ambitious, but need hard work to supplement it.

    unfortunately, all three ppl involved here, the author,the person who has commented, and the one whop is are the laziest I know…:)

  3. Raja Says:

    Absolutely correct…but the question which we have to ask is why we didn’t follow our dream and become a part of this dominating herd…..
    Why didn’t u or me have the courage to say to ur dad ..that we want to pursue theatre or cricket…. or for that matter something else….
    My point is its not about ambition…for us its about the family..u and me are part of the social structure which has risen through….generation by generation..thats reason why are parents were
    not willing to take risk..and probably we too…
    Now luking at the positive aspect…we might be doing mundane silly stuff..but still we are earning money..and also climbing up the social
    ladder…how trivial this seems…but triviality is the fact of life….everyone cant be and should not be an Einstein…
    And doing this stuff..what we are atleast making something for our future generation to folow there dreams….
    Probably this would demystify the mystery of our existence…

  4. vaani Says:

    i guess raja’s explaination aint enuf to demystify the intense battle of existential confusion dk is talkin about….i suffer the same….i have vague hints of what diffence wud i make from the herd n y wud i do that…but still these questions bother me sometime,,,,,
    how can 1 be happy wid the cliche life everyone has,,,, agud incum…a house,,,alife partner,,,kids,,,thier career,,,is that it?????? u achieved the mission on ur earth???

    naah,,,somethin there is that is missing n that something is the real thing we all are here for,,,we r nor sent to live like this,,,then we r no better than animals….that something missing is what we forget to look for n work for….dk for sure find it sooner of later n i hope he is able to kindle the thot in some others as well

    gr8 job dk…

    i missed ur previous posts,,,they r all gr8…m not starting my blog coz m not sure if i can write as gud as u…i think what wud u think of me when u read my posts n i write nuthing,,,

    mujhe bhi kuch gyaan daan dede sir:)

  5. vaani Says:

    plz excuse the spelling errors i have made…m not that bad actually

  6. Diwakar Says:

    @metal : element of ambition is essential, you are right if we can sit, keep dictionaries away and find our own correct definitions of ambition which could be more independent and limit-stretching! But yea, the definitions will have new versions every now and then 🙂

    @desh : kudos, you read my mind! what we can do best is bakar and eat and drink and sleep 🙂 but desi may be keep the gray cells working, may be we will implement some insane dreams!

  7. Diwakar Says:

    @raja : we couldnt say anything to our parents coz we never felt that the decisions we took (with their support n arguements) were wrong, they felt right always. Triviality isnt an issue, the point is even if u get out of triviality where do u reach. the urge to know the sequence of steps beforehand it could be. or just mental itch! should we now care and revert back? i dont know!

    @vaani : I know u empathize, specially the walk-the-normal-route, ‘marry-“2 year gap”- first kid – “3 year gap” – second kid’ life, but just denying it wont help us! it is not helping right now! and missio, do we have some specific mission. We are all part of the whole compost heap (fight club 🙂 ) we stay here, enjoy, dance, study fuck, play, decay, decompose, fossile, and people will have their cars filled by you a million years later. tough to know what its all. And start writing, you are better than me, much better! I am (un-critically) waiting for you to start penning!

  8. Pooja Says:

    well….good at least u have the realization…u r reflecting back n doing introspection…these all things show that there is a part in u that is not dead ..that is trying to make sense of this neverending confusion….that wants to experience….well diwakar even i want to know my purpose in this life…and only i can find it out… …wat i perceive is again really subjective….do i see this questions as something disturbing…or do i see them as something which can act as a trigger to drive me into some action…..there’s this fight between idealism n practicality…..again u must be knowing about the origin of science ….it came to rule the world becoz religion was failing,….to have the absolute power over man….to control him or her….which cannot be achieved…..reality is different …i know today we r more like machines….but again we have the will …n god has given everyone freedom to choose….thats the beauty of life….at every path in ur life …u will make choices…..again ur choices will be goverened by end number of factors…….u know there’s this beautiful saying that the only one who stops u is u……n no one else…so u have to choose n decide………there’s this absurdity …but we can turn into something meaningful……plz try to read that book named siddhartha by herman hesse, absurdity by albert camus….they r really amazing….

  9. Sonja Says:

    Kudos to you for not running with the herd! What a boring place this planet would be if we were all cookie cutter people. I came upon a quote from the poet Blake the other day I really liked a lot:

    “He who binds himself to a joy
    Does the winged life destroy;
    But he who kisses the joy as it flies
    Lives in eternity’s sunrise.”

    As for always being the best, I like this passage:

    “excellence: expressing your highest talent to its fullest measure. There is no implication here that someone else could not do what you do better. In fact, all comparison and competition disappear in these moments. It is simply that neither you nor another is in the way.”

    I remind myself of this when I compare my life to others in an unfavorable way.

  10. Anand Says:

    Folks. Reallly sorry to barge in on this cerebral discussion like this. But who said astro-physics was simple??? :O

  11. Biraja Ashis Says:

    We all have the same dreams,
    Dreams that have been doctored,
    We have been brought up on standard doses of mediocrity,
    The definitions of “Success” and “Failure” ingrained in our brains,
    Artificial barriers enforced on all our senses,
    Turning our race to a huge blob of arms and legs,
    Pulling the rest along by a force not merely gravitational.

  12. Abhi-shek Says:

    well.. If climbing the social ladder n seein every1 dat matters happy is wat v are all involved with.. then Y r v complaining!
    if sumthin had to change it shud hv been done by now :).. realization is good my man, n i’m glad its happening. If thr is sumthin v can stil change, its got b dun mate….Now!
    I don think we wud hv any1 commanding our decisions now, so y wait….its probably neva late to make dat change..! but a massive change mite jus take longer!
    N bout income..etc..etc.. don u think “such essential” are engraved so hard in the society we live in.. not too many get to escape realities such as these!

  13. Idetrorce Says:

    very interesting, but I don’t agree with you

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