May be, Just!

A certain anxious period of six months just flew by leaving me more thoughtless than amused! Also went by two terms at xlri, 14 courses, 16 faculties and around 400 hours of classroom gyan with 240 batchmates and 180 seniors. A soul-stirring trip to a couple of far from road villages in Jharkhand into the naxal reign and dense forests, another trip to a hidden base camp and forced-upon-me adventure and this being more of a body-stirring experience after the more deep and meaningful one in the previous week. A mixture of goodbye to old friends, welcome to new friends, getting tested by a lot of them, unperturbed, unmoved, watching them come and go, calmly as ever! (Background score: We never change – Coldplay).

Playing with the expectations in the meantime, everybody’s and mine. Trying to continuously fiddle with the pseudo-ness which has become grander than ever under the cover of self proclaimed claims of creativity and uniqueness and humor and what not, ahh, what intense pride. (Background score: I am mine – Pearl Jam). Uncertainty galore, like never before, and intense with passing time. Anyways, we were talking about the time that flew by! Dragging back to the reel!

Time is passing by and will continue to until one decides to take the fulcrum under his control. Every now and then it clicks and one feels like reclaiming his life. Right now looks like the perfect time to do so. Certainly! One needs to reclaim his life, but how? Is it in the movies, oh may be yes. Saw ‘the city of lost children’ and that helped me out of the gloom for those 1 hour and 47 minutes during the movie and those 40 minutes post the movie while I was reading about it.  Or is it in the books or in blogs or in net or in cricket or in education or in family or in love, where, where is the soul, where do we go to reclaim our lives? (Background score: Shine on you crazy diamond – Floyd)

I think I know, it’s in the quest! Yes, it’s in the quest of it. One needs to keep searching keep the quest on, keep googling life on the surface of earth and keep hoping not to find it. Because at the time when he finds it, it will be over.  Things will continue to swindle one, he will need to decipher these deceits and walk.  Temptations would surge like tides and would swipe away the silent beaches on your mind like they have always done (Background score: Tears in the rain – Joe Satriani), but go on and test yourself J. You are the one!

What I was and what have I become and what I would have wanted to be!

Reservoir

ek nashe ki dukaan khol lee hai is monsoon maineShadow
ek badi botal lee aur saare din nichod kar sharbat banaya
Fir ek khatte ras ki botal bharee, kuch shararaton se nikal kar
aise kaafi saara nasha ikathha ho gaya hai mere paas
ab roz koi ek botal chun kar zindagi mein gholta rehta hoon
kuch din aur chalega ye, fir woh aakhri botal kholni padegi
ek aakhri chhoti si botal, jisme saare vaade pighla ke daale the
socha tha, ye nasha to saari umra chalega.
Kal shaam jab us shishi ko ulat kar dekha to pata chala ki khaali hai,
Fir yaad aaya, us din jab woh jaa rahi thee to kaha tha usne,
pyas lagi hai aur door jaana hai tab woh mein hi to tha jisne
khushi khushi paani mein mila kar woh vaade pila diye the use.

Ab nasha bhi khatam hai, aur ye khaali botlein,
aur ye khaali botlein bewajah ki baaton jaise mujhse poochti rehti hai
nasha khatam kab hua tha jo ab nasha shuru karne ki baat karte ho

The speed of time!

wrote something after a long time, for once let’s share it with the world!

gulzar-o-ghalib ki bazmon mein khud ke nishaan dhoondhte dhoondhte
kabhi kuch purane raasto mein kadam bikhar jaate hain
poora mahine raat ko odh kar sone ka bahana karte rahe
wahin kuch sitare jugnoo jaise kuch bolne ki koshish kar rahe the
haan, woh waqt aage badh chuka hai uski ghadi mein
kuch zyada hi tez le chala hai waqt usko apne saath
mere paas to wahi dheemi ghadi hai, jo ruk jaati hai,
jo thami rehti hai, aur isi pal mein atak kar dekhti rehti hai.
Waqt ki aadat bigadna achha nahi rehta,
ye ek baar ruk jaaye, to sadiyon tak atka rehta hai.
Shayad ye mera hi waqt aalsi hai jo aage jaana hi nahi chahta.
Uska waqt to manjhli ungli ki us angoothi ke saath
agle mahine ki 19 tareekh par jaa kar baith chuka hai
ek mehngi angoothi hai, zaahir hai, meri to nahi hi hogi.
Mere to woh do chaar lafz hi the, jo uska waqt wahi peeche chhod aaya hai
kya kya aage le ke aata, un chhote haatho mein itni jagah nahi thee.

Hibernation, disabled!

Morning, yes am awake finally. So now I am back, here are the updatdes:

1. Started a movie blog with khurana and lucy and called it Pen The 70mm. Dream come true.

2. Screwed CAT again, fortunately cleared XLRI and IRMA. Going to XLRI, thanks to Sachin Tendulkar and Richa 🙂

3. Thanks to point 2, Job has become cooler than ever before.

4.Now I feel stronger, at least 5 kgs stronger.

5.And I am still lacking muse. Help Help Help.

Hibernation is disabled and this space will blossom again, Amen!

I am still alive

13th September, 6.45 PM: I was with my parents at the crowded ISBT when I received a call from mausi, she sounded worried as Delhi faced a series of blast. There was a pinch of silence in my head followed by a brief hallucination of seeing ISBT getting blown up, and there I stood helpless, thirsty and sad. Scared, I am not sure if I was scared or not, but I was too numb for a lot of feelings.  I was not allowed to travel back that night to Gurgaon, and I was denied the opportunity to see Manchester United Vs Liverpool on TV (i know its sick and inconsiderate of me to do that anyways) as there were news from all over the blast places.

On my way back next morning, the atmosphere was calm, silent and nauseating. The tall, dark and handsome India Gate was in shock and so was Yamuna and Vikas minar at the ITO. All that while I was revising places. I was thinking about Ahmedabad, Kalupur, yes I had been there, not only once but many times. Then Mumbai, yes, I loved the local trains, and I so much love them today as well. Bangalore, Forum et al, what not have i seen, yes I have been there. And Delhi, I have been all over the place. I have visited all these places, time and time again, but that is not the only thing common in these ‘now’ historically important. They have all been shattered by bombs, killing many, leaving many physically challanged for rest of lives and thus changing the world for a lot of us.

I am unaffected, yes, I am alive, my family, friends, they are all alive, sigh! And thus sunday’s dinner at Pizza Hut was amazing, spirited away is such a wonderful movie, Pearl Jam – I love you eddie, you are the spark of my life. My beautiful life! Ah, my beautiful life, until I suffer that loss. I will wait.  This is sickening feeling, risking lives, creating divides and doing what not.

I don’t see much that we can do suddenly to make it all better, it is a huge and crazy country driven by politically defined desires and a powerful mob and clean shaved well dressed leaders. But for sake our lives we can try to keep our open and make sure that we put some value on our lives, take care of it by ensuring that we support all the checking procedures that happen in crowded places which are susceptible to blasts. We can assist those who are taking care of our security and we can question those who should but aren’t.  We can keep our eyes open. We can still keep ourselvess strong against the communal bias that these attacks aim to created. This is not the time to make stupid and irrational judgements against a whole community, this is the time to keep faith strong and make sure that all this isn’t converted in some communal riot.

And we can hope, we can hope that things will change for the better. Religion never preaches what is shaping up now, killing is not religion, nor is hating or giving pain.

Man has created all the religions, god just send us here with one religion – mankind.

Fourteen September Two Thousand Six AD

Dangling on the threshold of the 3 minutes of alarm’s snoozes,
dragging myself out of the live sleep,
and dressing myself with the dead life,
I seldom realize that the transitions are tough.

We transit everyday in our chewing gum lives,
continuosly, unintentionaly and forecefully,
losing flavour street by street along the path,
and reaching the end, being all the same.

I am suprised by the impulsive energy spikes
when u start aiming for the sky
is this a trivial harmonic imbalance
or another fancy movie showing life.

And, by the end of the day,
a bed agin waits for you, warm, inviting
and it quietly utter in your left ear,
another day vanishes, like the rest of them
today’s movie is over,
its time to go back to sleep
its time to go back to your life

The Anatomy Of Vacuum

Finding meaning from nowhere
searching silences in the crowd
pretending to be you
suffocating my thoughts
its tough to breathe
in the air of uncertainty
and the globe keeps rotating
while my conscience shrugs
The eyes avoid the important
stick to the obvious, the illusive
I listen to the noise,
avoiding the words
and i leave life hanging, incomplete
to feel the emptiness, the inadequacy
the vacuum in my self,
in the soulless entities,
the hollow bodies in and around me

I leave it to get completed,
hunting accomplishment undefined
by itself or by force,
by force of lame imaginations
and it remains unattended,
to be forgotten like unread fiction
time and time again, forgotten