The train to nowhere, almost!

Not much was left in the leopold’s café after that attack; A had just escaped the attack and had no idea what he had just missed. Though he was still uncertain about everything that was going around him and he continued his discussion on a train journey from churchgate to andheri. It seemed that life has become dimensionless, with time and space erased totally as a concept.

A: You were telling me something about the human soul!

B: It was you intrigue son, not my monologue.

A: Ok, I am really not sure if your point about leaving the soul dry is right. We are what the circumstances are, irrespective of the self-centricity; our mind does things on some instinct. Like, ahh, oh yea, like a conversation. Now when I am saying something, I am exactly not sure about the ‘exact’ words and thoughts that will end this statement of mine, but I always end up saying something that has a meaning. And thus a conversation goes on and on. It amuses me that how it does happen and how do it happen all the time.

B: You hit it. That is the strength of your mind and my mistake! It is insanely strong for you, or me, to control and it’s this phenomenal mind of yours, that is driving the world and driving the world crazy. But the problem with ‘you’ specifically is that you can’t seem to see beyond language. Your talks and conversation are nothing more than an exchange of words; however, you can’t realize that you are not doing that with me at least. We are just connected through an ether channel and the thoughts are flowing themselves.

A: And the soul, you were just too random about your explanation about the soul. As per your definitions it looks like the respiratory manager of our body, or in more familiar terms, a breathing software for human body.

B: Haha, it’s not all that fancy kid! It’s rather plain. The simplest I can make it for you is by calling it a ‘mental fabric’; however it is created with a small part of it dedicated to balance which decides your balancing abilities on everything from your ability to use your brain or mind on a particular occasion, to your balancing abilities on the temptations and resistance scales and everything else.

A: And how do you decide on that factor?

B: You really want to know?

A: Do you think I am qualified or brave enough to joke with god? You might just turn me into a lizard, who knows!

B: Haha, oh don’t worry kid; I am not able to do that. But yea, that factor, I generate it randomly!

A: Random, you got to be kidding me, how can you be random with our souls.

B: Not the souls. The Balancing ability factor, you can call it balabtor for your reference. But it helps the world to keep moving. Otherwise everyone would be more or less same, not a world where you would like to live. Would you!

A: It looks like a dreamed of world for me!

B: Oh yea, your dreams! Your poor denied maligned dreams!

A: poor-denied-maligned, what do you mean?

B: You are supposed to see only what you want to see, nightmares were never meant to be!

A: So, where do they come from?

B: The same old story again and again, malefic souls lead to unrealistic desires followed by undesirable dreams!

A: Want to eat a vada-pao, oh do you eat!

B: Yes I do eat; I eat the leftover thoughts of human beings.

And they got down on Andheri railway station towards the new destination. Nowhere.

(Picture: Light House Local Station, Chennai. 3.2 MP Phone Camera)

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Hello, Yes A Speaking!

26th Nov 2008, Mumbai.

A waits for B for an undercover meeting. A has no idea what will happen after this, he is anxious and uncertain. Not knowing what to expect he sits and sips his cappuccino. A middle-aged person in a light blue half sleeve shirt comes towards him. He is of average height, mildly dark complexion, more black than white. He resembles A’s social sciences teacher for school.

A: How can you have a body like us, shouldn’t you be different?
B: Why does it bother you at all? I am here now, tell me why you wanted me.
A: No, but I’m still shocked. How is this possible at all?
B: Forget all that and ask.
A: Hmm, I just don’t understand it. Anything.
B: What don’t you understand?
A: Now don’t joke me, you know it all.
B: Seriously, I don’t know. Please enlighten me on your troubles.
A: Come on, how can you not know. You are ‘god’ himself; please don’t play with me for lord’s sake. Oh, lord’s sake I said.
B: You have some really wrong images my son. I am no mind reader; I hardly know anything that goes on here. You guys have absolute control over things.
A: What, what do you mean you have no control. Wasn’t this unreal enough for you to say a statement like that. And I am sorry ahh sir, ahh ‘god’ for talking to you like this. I am just not in the right frame of mind.
B: That’s fine kid, but yea true, I hardly know anything about all that goes in your mind. I have very little control. I am just part of this whole universal system.
A: Then what do you do?
B: I am the soul creator and destroyer. Every time when the speed of world changes, I see the status of all the previous souls that I had created and then depending on whatever that has been deteriorated I create new ones and send them across.
A: You mean the souls are not nuclear! They break down; they deteriorate like the buildings or the bodies.
B: Certainly, that’s the truth.
A: But we believed that the souls never die. They just, they just ahh, fly away may be to another body.
B: I wish I knew how to correct that thought in your minds, alas, I have no control. I regret leaving control of your body and your mind to you people. I only kept control of your soul while designing you. And now, neither the body nor the mind is in sync with the soul.
A: Sorry to disagree, but I don’t so. The world has progressed into a stronger and better place than ever before. It’s a happier place. Don’t you think so.
B: What’s your age?
A: 23 years.
B: And how much history you know about?
A: Two . . . hundred years may be.
B: And you really think we are in right proportion of knowledge to discuss the happiness quotient of this world? Ever heard of information asymmetry?
A: That’s a little mean and earthish statement for someone of your stature.
B: I apologize, but I am tired of seeing all my souls dry up. Whatever I do, you earthians condition yourself for your individualism and leave the soul dry. And once the soul begins to dry up it’s impossible for me to fuel it again.
A: But we have no control over the soul, we do what our mind says. And I am not actually sure how the mind does what it does. Neural system, spinal cord, left brain, right brain something like that. Some signals, impulses but I am not a bio graduate to know all that.
B: How deep can you earthians think? If you are all so sure about it, then where does your spirituality emerge from? All this noise makes me smile and cry at the same time. At least I respect the creativity of your mind. Irrespective of all the narcissism and destructive bent of thought I totally respect your mind. And it has won over my biggest creation ever, the human soul.
A: Thank you, Ah, I mean Sorry!

(And they moved out of the leopold’s café and started to walk towards the sea)

To Be Continued…

The Sine Curve Will Flatten, One Day!

Happy new year to all!!!

What did I do? Went to landmark, bought myself a book (Inside out – a personal history of Pink Floyd) and stayed there for a couple of hours. Came back, had dinner and slipped in my bed and watched a movie and talked! Talked to myself for a little more time. Checked my phone for those few texts (Thanks people, sorry for not replying I still love you all)

What went by was a huge year, an insane sine curve for me. Success followed by failure followed by more success and more failure. Exams, interviews, job, family, friends, love,health, self and now when I look back it sometimes seems like enough material for a purist bollywood movie or a certain betan chagat book (name changed for legal reasons). Sometimes I feel so surprised that with all this lethargy and slug how I end up in situations.

Few things about the gone cycle around of the sun:

1. At least 10 times this year I looked up and said, you are a bloody awesome scriptwriter and unimaginably witty controller, and I am saying that again. God, you are god!

2. Career-wise I had the chance to break the shackles and go to IRMA and do what I always wanted to do with my life. The guy mentioned in part 1 aint create any more John Galts amongst the bourgeoisie! I don’t always, but this time I do mildly regret about what I choose.

3. A beautiful phase of my life ended, I knew it had to but it was so sudden and unexpected that it left me stranded. Anyways, I was too excited about the whole XL thing that time so it helped me. But the worst thing is, I took no lessons. Shucks shucks shucks!!!!!!

4. An year or less mindfucks, less blog-posts, less self-bashing poetry, more MS office, less postsecret readings, less nihilistic delusion, more tranquility, less restlessness, more conformity, more sleep, less randomness, more relatedness, less itch, less kilos, more losses.

5. I have always believed that a person totally transmogrifies in a span of 3-4 years. And its that time for me to reassess the belief. Yes, certainly! But as a learned friend of mine said, there is always a need of a some certainty and some constancy in our lives. Indeed, there is. And thats what I am moving towards and thats what scares me even more. Uncertain is beautiful, visible is despicable.

What’s in store for me now. I am not sure, as a continuation of the previous post the quest to reclaim is at the high. Currently sitting at the top of the sine curve, but the time periods have been dramatically low. So, lets hope that the top of the sine curve flattens this time for the better.

Meanwhile, great wishes for everyone. May there be happiness, may there be peace, may there be light, Amen!

May be, Just!

A certain anxious period of six months just flew by leaving me more thoughtless than amused! Also went by two terms at xlri, 14 courses, 16 faculties and around 400 hours of classroom gyan with 240 batchmates and 180 seniors. A soul-stirring trip to a couple of far from road villages in Jharkhand into the naxal reign and dense forests, another trip to a hidden base camp and forced-upon-me adventure and this being more of a body-stirring experience after the more deep and meaningful one in the previous week. A mixture of goodbye to old friends, welcome to new friends, getting tested by a lot of them, unperturbed, unmoved, watching them come and go, calmly as ever! (Background score: We never change – Coldplay).

Playing with the expectations in the meantime, everybody’s and mine. Trying to continuously fiddle with the pseudo-ness which has become grander than ever under the cover of self proclaimed claims of creativity and uniqueness and humor and what not, ahh, what intense pride. (Background score: I am mine – Pearl Jam). Uncertainty galore, like never before, and intense with passing time. Anyways, we were talking about the time that flew by! Dragging back to the reel!

Time is passing by and will continue to until one decides to take the fulcrum under his control. Every now and then it clicks and one feels like reclaiming his life. Right now looks like the perfect time to do so. Certainly! One needs to reclaim his life, but how? Is it in the movies, oh may be yes. Saw ‘the city of lost children’ and that helped me out of the gloom for those 1 hour and 47 minutes during the movie and those 40 minutes post the movie while I was reading about it.  Or is it in the books or in blogs or in net or in cricket or in education or in family or in love, where, where is the soul, where do we go to reclaim our lives? (Background score: Shine on you crazy diamond – Floyd)

I think I know, it’s in the quest! Yes, it’s in the quest of it. One needs to keep searching keep the quest on, keep googling life on the surface of earth and keep hoping not to find it. Because at the time when he finds it, it will be over.  Things will continue to swindle one, he will need to decipher these deceits and walk.  Temptations would surge like tides and would swipe away the silent beaches on your mind like they have always done (Background score: Tears in the rain – Joe Satriani), but go on and test yourself J. You are the one!

What I was and what have I become and what I would have wanted to be!

Reservoir

ek nashe ki dukaan khol lee hai is monsoon maineShadow
ek badi botal lee aur saare din nichod kar sharbat banaya
Fir ek khatte ras ki botal bharee, kuch shararaton se nikal kar
aise kaafi saara nasha ikathha ho gaya hai mere paas
ab roz koi ek botal chun kar zindagi mein gholta rehta hoon
kuch din aur chalega ye, fir woh aakhri botal kholni padegi
ek aakhri chhoti si botal, jisme saare vaade pighla ke daale the
socha tha, ye nasha to saari umra chalega.
Kal shaam jab us shishi ko ulat kar dekha to pata chala ki khaali hai,
Fir yaad aaya, us din jab woh jaa rahi thee to kaha tha usne,
pyas lagi hai aur door jaana hai tab woh mein hi to tha jisne
khushi khushi paani mein mila kar woh vaade pila diye the use.

Ab nasha bhi khatam hai, aur ye khaali botlein,
aur ye khaali botlein bewajah ki baaton jaise mujhse poochti rehti hai
nasha khatam kab hua tha jo ab nasha shuru karne ki baat karte ho

I am still alive

13th September, 6.45 PM: I was with my parents at the crowded ISBT when I received a call from mausi, she sounded worried as Delhi faced a series of blast. There was a pinch of silence in my head followed by a brief hallucination of seeing ISBT getting blown up, and there I stood helpless, thirsty and sad. Scared, I am not sure if I was scared or not, but I was too numb for a lot of feelings.  I was not allowed to travel back that night to Gurgaon, and I was denied the opportunity to see Manchester United Vs Liverpool on TV (i know its sick and inconsiderate of me to do that anyways) as there were news from all over the blast places.

On my way back next morning, the atmosphere was calm, silent and nauseating. The tall, dark and handsome India Gate was in shock and so was Yamuna and Vikas minar at the ITO. All that while I was revising places. I was thinking about Ahmedabad, Kalupur, yes I had been there, not only once but many times. Then Mumbai, yes, I loved the local trains, and I so much love them today as well. Bangalore, Forum et al, what not have i seen, yes I have been there. And Delhi, I have been all over the place. I have visited all these places, time and time again, but that is not the only thing common in these ‘now’ historically important. They have all been shattered by bombs, killing many, leaving many physically challanged for rest of lives and thus changing the world for a lot of us.

I am unaffected, yes, I am alive, my family, friends, they are all alive, sigh! And thus sunday’s dinner at Pizza Hut was amazing, spirited away is such a wonderful movie, Pearl Jam – I love you eddie, you are the spark of my life. My beautiful life! Ah, my beautiful life, until I suffer that loss. I will wait.  This is sickening feeling, risking lives, creating divides and doing what not.

I don’t see much that we can do suddenly to make it all better, it is a huge and crazy country driven by politically defined desires and a powerful mob and clean shaved well dressed leaders. But for sake our lives we can try to keep our open and make sure that we put some value on our lives, take care of it by ensuring that we support all the checking procedures that happen in crowded places which are susceptible to blasts. We can assist those who are taking care of our security and we can question those who should but aren’t.  We can keep our eyes open. We can still keep ourselvess strong against the communal bias that these attacks aim to created. This is not the time to make stupid and irrational judgements against a whole community, this is the time to keep faith strong and make sure that all this isn’t converted in some communal riot.

And we can hope, we can hope that things will change for the better. Religion never preaches what is shaping up now, killing is not religion, nor is hating or giving pain.

Man has created all the religions, god just send us here with one religion – mankind.

Fourteen September Two Thousand Six AD

Dangling on the threshold of the 3 minutes of alarm’s snoozes,
dragging myself out of the live sleep,
and dressing myself with the dead life,
I seldom realize that the transitions are tough.

We transit everyday in our chewing gum lives,
continuosly, unintentionaly and forecefully,
losing flavour street by street along the path,
and reaching the end, being all the same.

I am suprised by the impulsive energy spikes
when u start aiming for the sky
is this a trivial harmonic imbalance
or another fancy movie showing life.

And, by the end of the day,
a bed agin waits for you, warm, inviting
and it quietly utter in your left ear,
another day vanishes, like the rest of them
today’s movie is over,
its time to go back to sleep
its time to go back to your life