Black and White Semi Colons

Player a: Salesman, restless, worried, draped in sweat, hopeful and uncertain. Terminate.

Player b: Beggar, hardly dressed. Inactive limbs. Focus on next meal, vigilant of human behaviour. Helpless but creative. Denied of essentials but gifted of persistence. Indifferent of global warming, worried of the cold night. Terminate.

Player c: Prostitute, Undesired object of desire. Social stigma of undying social needs. An element of strength. Alone, un-pleasured, afraid, faces red, bodies black, hearts transparent. Terminate.

Player d: Middle aged woman, a mother, a wife, a daughter-in-law, a friend and a lot more. A life full of roles. A lost self, still has full meaning for herself. A dependent being, for survival, for recognition for existence. Terminate.

Player e: A girl in love girl, sparkle, spring, smile, ecstasy, wait, sweet pain, fiddling with time. Terminate.

Player f: Young kid. Naivity, clarity, faith, love and deep sleep. Nothing else, unadulterated smile and unfaltering belief in all. All questions, no answers. Terminate

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Player g: Hypnotized youth, energetic, powerful, blinded by misread faith, misinterpreting the rules of religion, ignoring the teaching, hatred, guns, bombs, blindness, pain. Terminator.

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Mumbai: Ajmal Amir Kasab, the Pakistani terrorist who killed scores of people during the attacks on Mumbai in November 2008, was on Thursday sentenced to death. “To be hanged by the neck till death,” said Tahaliyani after reading out each count.

———————————-

Game Over. Really?

———————————–

(Picture: Bangalore, Sameer Morey’s Flat)

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The train to nowhere, almost!

Not much was left in the leopold’s café after that attack; A had just escaped the attack and had no idea what he had just missed. Though he was still uncertain about everything that was going around him and he continued his discussion on a train journey from churchgate to andheri. It seemed that life has become dimensionless, with time and space erased totally as a concept.

A: You were telling me something about the human soul!

B: It was you intrigue son, not my monologue.

A: Ok, I am really not sure if your point about leaving the soul dry is right. We are what the circumstances are, irrespective of the self-centricity; our mind does things on some instinct. Like, ahh, oh yea, like a conversation. Now when I am saying something, I am exactly not sure about the ‘exact’ words and thoughts that will end this statement of mine, but I always end up saying something that has a meaning. And thus a conversation goes on and on. It amuses me that how it does happen and how do it happen all the time.

B: You hit it. That is the strength of your mind and my mistake! It is insanely strong for you, or me, to control and it’s this phenomenal mind of yours, that is driving the world and driving the world crazy. But the problem with ‘you’ specifically is that you can’t seem to see beyond language. Your talks and conversation are nothing more than an exchange of words; however, you can’t realize that you are not doing that with me at least. We are just connected through an ether channel and the thoughts are flowing themselves.

A: And the soul, you were just too random about your explanation about the soul. As per your definitions it looks like the respiratory manager of our body, or in more familiar terms, a breathing software for human body.

B: Haha, it’s not all that fancy kid! It’s rather plain. The simplest I can make it for you is by calling it a ‘mental fabric’; however it is created with a small part of it dedicated to balance which decides your balancing abilities on everything from your ability to use your brain or mind on a particular occasion, to your balancing abilities on the temptations and resistance scales and everything else.

A: And how do you decide on that factor?

B: You really want to know?

A: Do you think I am qualified or brave enough to joke with god? You might just turn me into a lizard, who knows!

B: Haha, oh don’t worry kid; I am not able to do that. But yea, that factor, I generate it randomly!

A: Random, you got to be kidding me, how can you be random with our souls.

B: Not the souls. The Balancing ability factor, you can call it balabtor for your reference. But it helps the world to keep moving. Otherwise everyone would be more or less same, not a world where you would like to live. Would you!

A: It looks like a dreamed of world for me!

B: Oh yea, your dreams! Your poor denied maligned dreams!

A: poor-denied-maligned, what do you mean?

B: You are supposed to see only what you want to see, nightmares were never meant to be!

A: So, where do they come from?

B: The same old story again and again, malefic souls lead to unrealistic desires followed by undesirable dreams!

A: Want to eat a vada-pao, oh do you eat!

B: Yes I do eat; I eat the leftover thoughts of human beings.

And they got down on Andheri railway station towards the new destination. Nowhere.

(Picture: Light House Local Station, Chennai. 3.2 MP Phone Camera)

Hello, Yes A Speaking!

26th Nov 2008, Mumbai.

A waits for B for an undercover meeting. A has no idea what will happen after this, he is anxious and uncertain. Not knowing what to expect he sits and sips his cappuccino. A middle-aged person in a light blue half sleeve shirt comes towards him. He is of average height, mildly dark complexion, more black than white. He resembles A’s social sciences teacher for school.

A: How can you have a body like us, shouldn’t you be different?
B: Why does it bother you at all? I am here now, tell me why you wanted me.
A: No, but I’m still shocked. How is this possible at all?
B: Forget all that and ask.
A: Hmm, I just don’t understand it. Anything.
B: What don’t you understand?
A: Now don’t joke me, you know it all.
B: Seriously, I don’t know. Please enlighten me on your troubles.
A: Come on, how can you not know. You are ‘god’ himself; please don’t play with me for lord’s sake. Oh, lord’s sake I said.
B: You have some really wrong images my son. I am no mind reader; I hardly know anything that goes on here. You guys have absolute control over things.
A: What, what do you mean you have no control. Wasn’t this unreal enough for you to say a statement like that. And I am sorry ahh sir, ahh ‘god’ for talking to you like this. I am just not in the right frame of mind.
B: That’s fine kid, but yea true, I hardly know anything about all that goes in your mind. I have very little control. I am just part of this whole universal system.
A: Then what do you do?
B: I am the soul creator and destroyer. Every time when the speed of world changes, I see the status of all the previous souls that I had created and then depending on whatever that has been deteriorated I create new ones and send them across.
A: You mean the souls are not nuclear! They break down; they deteriorate like the buildings or the bodies.
B: Certainly, that’s the truth.
A: But we believed that the souls never die. They just, they just ahh, fly away may be to another body.
B: I wish I knew how to correct that thought in your minds, alas, I have no control. I regret leaving control of your body and your mind to you people. I only kept control of your soul while designing you. And now, neither the body nor the mind is in sync with the soul.
A: Sorry to disagree, but I don’t so. The world has progressed into a stronger and better place than ever before. It’s a happier place. Don’t you think so.
B: What’s your age?
A: 23 years.
B: And how much history you know about?
A: Two . . . hundred years may be.
B: And you really think we are in right proportion of knowledge to discuss the happiness quotient of this world? Ever heard of information asymmetry?
A: That’s a little mean and earthish statement for someone of your stature.
B: I apologize, but I am tired of seeing all my souls dry up. Whatever I do, you earthians condition yourself for your individualism and leave the soul dry. And once the soul begins to dry up it’s impossible for me to fuel it again.
A: But we have no control over the soul, we do what our mind says. And I am not actually sure how the mind does what it does. Neural system, spinal cord, left brain, right brain something like that. Some signals, impulses but I am not a bio graduate to know all that.
B: How deep can you earthians think? If you are all so sure about it, then where does your spirituality emerge from? All this noise makes me smile and cry at the same time. At least I respect the creativity of your mind. Irrespective of all the narcissism and destructive bent of thought I totally respect your mind. And it has won over my biggest creation ever, the human soul.
A: Thank you, Ah, I mean Sorry!

(And they moved out of the leopold’s café and started to walk towards the sea)

To Be Continued…

May be, Just!

A certain anxious period of six months just flew by leaving me more thoughtless than amused! Also went by two terms at xlri, 14 courses, 16 faculties and around 400 hours of classroom gyan with 240 batchmates and 180 seniors. A soul-stirring trip to a couple of far from road villages in Jharkhand into the naxal reign and dense forests, another trip to a hidden base camp and forced-upon-me adventure and this being more of a body-stirring experience after the more deep and meaningful one in the previous week. A mixture of goodbye to old friends, welcome to new friends, getting tested by a lot of them, unperturbed, unmoved, watching them come and go, calmly as ever! (Background score: We never change – Coldplay).

Playing with the expectations in the meantime, everybody’s and mine. Trying to continuously fiddle with the pseudo-ness which has become grander than ever under the cover of self proclaimed claims of creativity and uniqueness and humor and what not, ahh, what intense pride. (Background score: I am mine – Pearl Jam). Uncertainty galore, like never before, and intense with passing time. Anyways, we were talking about the time that flew by! Dragging back to the reel!

Time is passing by and will continue to until one decides to take the fulcrum under his control. Every now and then it clicks and one feels like reclaiming his life. Right now looks like the perfect time to do so. Certainly! One needs to reclaim his life, but how? Is it in the movies, oh may be yes. Saw ‘the city of lost children’ and that helped me out of the gloom for those 1 hour and 47 minutes during the movie and those 40 minutes post the movie while I was reading about it.  Or is it in the books or in blogs or in net or in cricket or in education or in family or in love, where, where is the soul, where do we go to reclaim our lives? (Background score: Shine on you crazy diamond – Floyd)

I think I know, it’s in the quest! Yes, it’s in the quest of it. One needs to keep searching keep the quest on, keep googling life on the surface of earth and keep hoping not to find it. Because at the time when he finds it, it will be over.  Things will continue to swindle one, he will need to decipher these deceits and walk.  Temptations would surge like tides and would swipe away the silent beaches on your mind like they have always done (Background score: Tears in the rain – Joe Satriani), but go on and test yourself J. You are the one!

What I was and what have I become and what I would have wanted to be!

I am still alive

13th September, 6.45 PM: I was with my parents at the crowded ISBT when I received a call from mausi, she sounded worried as Delhi faced a series of blast. There was a pinch of silence in my head followed by a brief hallucination of seeing ISBT getting blown up, and there I stood helpless, thirsty and sad. Scared, I am not sure if I was scared or not, but I was too numb for a lot of feelings.  I was not allowed to travel back that night to Gurgaon, and I was denied the opportunity to see Manchester United Vs Liverpool on TV (i know its sick and inconsiderate of me to do that anyways) as there were news from all over the blast places.

On my way back next morning, the atmosphere was calm, silent and nauseating. The tall, dark and handsome India Gate was in shock and so was Yamuna and Vikas minar at the ITO. All that while I was revising places. I was thinking about Ahmedabad, Kalupur, yes I had been there, not only once but many times. Then Mumbai, yes, I loved the local trains, and I so much love them today as well. Bangalore, Forum et al, what not have i seen, yes I have been there. And Delhi, I have been all over the place. I have visited all these places, time and time again, but that is not the only thing common in these ‘now’ historically important. They have all been shattered by bombs, killing many, leaving many physically challanged for rest of lives and thus changing the world for a lot of us.

I am unaffected, yes, I am alive, my family, friends, they are all alive, sigh! And thus sunday’s dinner at Pizza Hut was amazing, spirited away is such a wonderful movie, Pearl Jam – I love you eddie, you are the spark of my life. My beautiful life! Ah, my beautiful life, until I suffer that loss. I will wait.  This is sickening feeling, risking lives, creating divides and doing what not.

I don’t see much that we can do suddenly to make it all better, it is a huge and crazy country driven by politically defined desires and a powerful mob and clean shaved well dressed leaders. But for sake our lives we can try to keep our open and make sure that we put some value on our lives, take care of it by ensuring that we support all the checking procedures that happen in crowded places which are susceptible to blasts. We can assist those who are taking care of our security and we can question those who should but aren’t.  We can keep our eyes open. We can still keep ourselvess strong against the communal bias that these attacks aim to created. This is not the time to make stupid and irrational judgements against a whole community, this is the time to keep faith strong and make sure that all this isn’t converted in some communal riot.

And we can hope, we can hope that things will change for the better. Religion never preaches what is shaping up now, killing is not religion, nor is hating or giving pain.

Man has created all the religions, god just send us here with one religion – mankind.

The Anatomy Of Vacuum

Finding meaning from nowhere
searching silences in the crowd
pretending to be you
suffocating my thoughts
its tough to breathe
in the air of uncertainty
and the globe keeps rotating
while my conscience shrugs
The eyes avoid the important
stick to the obvious, the illusive
I listen to the noise,
avoiding the words
and i leave life hanging, incomplete
to feel the emptiness, the inadequacy
the vacuum in my self,
in the soulless entities,
the hollow bodies in and around me

I leave it to get completed,
hunting accomplishment undefined
by itself or by force,
by force of lame imaginations
and it remains unattended,
to be forgotten like unread fiction
time and time again, forgotten

It changed me

Just writing about some things that I think changed me, or at least a part of me

A Writer and two books: Fountainhead/Atlas Shrugged, yes it did make a difference, and it does make a difference in the great domain of lower minds, the indispensable engine of this world. After reading them, a lot of us start idolizing Howard Roark , in this great competitive circus, where everyone is so proudly replicating Peter Keating lives, these old fictions come up as a reality check, as an honest mirror display! There is one more impact Ayn Rand has on your thought process and that is the ignition of the ‘so-what’ mindset. And believe me, the ‘so-what’ mindset is far calmer that the ‘what-if’ mindset.

A Bank: Another book that impacted me immensely is the freshly completed ‘Banker to the poor’, which talks about Grameen bank, its genesis, functioning, people, and a lot of things about it. For someone who has believes that the world economy is depressingly polar, this story came as a hammer, and a followed up relief. Very motivating and logical. The biggest question that has been asked to the world still remains “How do we eliminate poverty from the face of the world”, in our lifetimes; a few answers like Grameen bank will help. Amen!

A Movie: I love movies, from ek ruka hua faisla to Amelie, from the incredibles to Raincoat, from Memento and the butterfly effect to Ghost World, I love them all. They entertain me to the core. And in this midst of all these great movies and the great directors, arrived ‘Into the Wild’, the only movie that I have gone back again and again and again. I just can’t get enough of it. And even if the movie’s magnetic field diminishes, the music and lyrics of this movie takes over. I once told about this movie to my simple very motherly mother, she quietly asked me ‘Everything’s ok son?’, she surely loves me a lot :). Time to quote from a song from the movie

When you want more than you have, you think you need…
and when you think more then you want, your thoughts begin to bleed.
I think I need to find a bigger place…
cause when you have more than you think, you need more space.

A Person: Ravi Gulati. Met him only twice, and I am a fan of his, admiration comes up naturally for this IIM A graduate who runs a subtle NGO called Manzil based in Delhi where he teaches under privileged kids necessary skills.  One of most humble persons you will ever meet, and he will surely make you rethink and ask ‘What am I doing?’, anyways I think I am still young, and I cant run away saying that for a long time. Though I admire him a lot, but I wouldn’t say that he changed me, in that category only one person can fall, and that’s ‘She’, call it obvious, call it bourgeoisie, call it rule-of-world, but I am a different person when I am with her, a different person for her. We are two different ends of this world, but it clicks and it clicks pretty well for our comfort. I am always asking questions, feeling sad, wanting to do this to do that, and she has a pretty simple solution to my mental turbulences – ‘Why do you think so much’ and thus she conveniently shuts me off. But I guess it’s time for me to tell her on a public platform, thanks for being there!

There are more things that changed me, events, more people, my stay at my college DA-IICT, my stay at Mumbai and Bangalore, troubled times at home, my dad’s drinking habit and his management skills, and perhaps a few more. And my own belief that a person changes completely in a span of 4-5 years, lets see, if that continues to happen.

This is not a tag post, but i would like if some of my blogmates pen a similar post, it would be interesting, so requesting the following to pen the same:

Luthra, Shakti, Ankit, Richa, Naresh, Navin, Kamiya, Steve, Biraja, eesha, Desh, Vineet, Prateek