Reservoir

ek nashe ki dukaan khol lee hai is monsoon maine
ek badi botal lee aur saare din nichod kar sharbat banaya
Fir ek khatte ras ki botal bharee, kuch shararaton se nikal kar
aise kaafi saara nasha ikathha ho gaya hai mere paas
ab roz koi ek botal chun kar zindagi mein gholta rehta hoon
kuch din aur chalega ye, fir woh aakhri botal kholni padegi
ek aakhri chhoti si botal, jisme saare vaade pighla ke daale the
socha tha, ye nasha to saari umra chalega.
Kal shaam jab us shishi ko ulat kar dekha to pata chala ki khaali hai,
Fir yaad aaya, us din jab woh jaa rahi thee to kaha tha usne,
pyas lagi hai aur door jaana hai tab woh mein hi to tha jisne
khushi khushi paani mein mila kar woh vaade pila diye the use.

Ab nasha bhi khatam hai, aur ye khaali botlein,
aur ye khaali botlein bewajah ki baaton jaise mujhse poochti rehti hai
nasha khatam kab hua tha jo ab nasha shuru karne ki baat karte ho

The speed of time!

wrote something after a long time, for once let’s share it with the world!

gulzar-o-ghalib ki bazmon mein khud ke nishaan dhoondhte dhoondhte
kabhi kuch purane raasto mein kadam bikhar jaate hain
poora mahine raat ko odh kar sone ka bahana karte rahe
wahin kuch sitare jugnoo jaise kuch bolne ki koshish kar rahe the
haan, woh waqt aage badh chuka hai uski ghadi mein
kuch zyada hi tez le chala hai waqt usko apne saath
mere paas to wahi dheemi ghadi hai, jo ruk jaati hai,
jo thami rehti hai, aur isi pal mein atak kar dekhti rehti hai.
Waqt ki aadat bigadna achha nahi rehta,
ye ek baar ruk jaaye, to sadiyon tak atka rehta hai.
Shayad ye mera hi waqt aalsi hai jo aage jaana hi nahi chahta.
Uska waqt to manjhli ungli ki us angoothi ke saath
agle mahine ki 19 tareekh par jaa kar baith chuka hai
ek mehngi angoothi hai, zaahir hai, meri to nahi hi hogi.
Mere to woh do chaar lafz hi the, jo uska waqt wahi peeche chhod aaya hai
kya kya aage le ke aata, un chhote haatho mein itni jagah nahi thee.

Hibernation, disabled!

Morning, yes am awake finally. So now I am back, here are the updatdes:

1. Started a movie blog with khurana and lucy and called it Pen The 70mm. Dream come true.

2. Screwed CAT again, fortunately cleared XLRI and IRMA. Going to XLRI, thanks to Sachin Tendulkar and Richa

3. Thanks to point 2, Job has become cooler than ever before.

4.Now I feel stronger, at least 5 kgs stronger.

5.And I am still lacking muse. Help Help Help.

Hibernation is disabled and this space will blossom again, Amen!

I am still alive

13th September, 6.45 PM: I was with my parents at the crowded ISBT when I received a call from mausi, she sounded worried as Delhi faced a series of blast. There was a pinch of silence in my head followed by a brief hallucination of seeing ISBT getting blown up, and there I stood helpless, thirsty and sad. Scared, I am not sure if I was scared or not, but I was too numb for a lot of feelings.  I was not allowed to travel back that night to Gurgaon, and I was denied the opportunity to see Manchester United Vs Liverpool on TV (i know its sick and inconsiderate of me to do that anyways) as there were news from all over the blast places.

On my way back next morning, the atmosphere was calm, silent and nauseating. The tall, dark and handsome India Gate was in shock and so was Yamuna and Vikas minar at the ITO. All that while I was revising places. I was thinking about Ahmedabad, Kalupur, yes I had been there, not only once but many times. Then Mumbai, yes, I loved the local trains, and I so much love them today as well. Bangalore, Forum et al, what not have i seen, yes I have been there. And Delhi, I have been all over the place. I have visited all these places, time and time again, but that is not the only thing common in these ‘now’ historically important. They have all been shattered by bombs, killing many, leaving many physically challanged for rest of lives and thus changing the world for a lot of us.

I am unaffected, yes, I am alive, my family, friends, they are all alive, sigh! And thus sunday’s dinner at Pizza Hut was amazing, spirited away is such a wonderful movie, Pearl Jam – I love you eddie, you are the spark of my life. My beautiful life! Ah, my beautiful life, until I suffer that loss. I will wait.  This is sickening feeling, risking lives, creating divides and doing what not.

I don’t see much that we can do suddenly to make it all better, it is a huge and crazy country driven by politically defined desires and a powerful mob and clean shaved well dressed leaders. But for sake our lives we can try to keep our open and make sure that we put some value on our lives, take care of it by ensuring that we support all the checking procedures that happen in crowded places which are susceptible to blasts. We can assist those who are taking care of our security and we can question those who should but aren’t.  We can keep our eyes open. We can still keep ourselvess strong against the communal bias that these attacks aim to created. This is not the time to make stupid and irrational judgements against a whole community, this is the time to keep faith strong and make sure that all this isn’t converted in some communal riot.

And we can hope, we can hope that things will change for the better. Religion never preaches what is shaping up now, killing is not religion, nor is hating or giving pain.

Man has created all the religions, god just send us here with one religion – mankind.

Fourteen September Two Thousand Six AD

Dangling on the threshold of the 3 minutes of alarm’s snoozes,
dragging myself out of the live sleep,
and dressing myself with the dead life,
I seldom realize that the transitions are tough.

We transit everyday in our chewing gum lives,
continuosly, unintentionaly and forecefully,
losing flavour street by street along the path,
and reaching the end, being all the same.

I am suprised by the impulsive energy spikes
when u start aiming for the sky
is this a trivial harmonic imbalance
or another fancy movie showing life.

And, by the end of the day,
a bed agin waits for you, warm, inviting
and it quietly utter in your left ear,
another day vanishes, like the rest of them
today’s movie is over,
its time to go back to sleep
its time to go back to your life

The Anatomy Of Vacuum

Finding meaning from nowhere
searching silences in the crowd
pretending to be you
suffocating my thoughts
its tough to breathe
in the air of uncertainty
and the globe keeps rotating
while my conscience shrugs
The eyes avoid the important
stick to the obvious, the illusive
I listen to the noise,
avoiding the words
and i leave life hanging, incomplete
to feel the emptiness, the inadequacy
the vacuum in my self,
in the soulless entities,
the hollow bodies in and around me

I leave it to get completed,
hunting accomplishment undefined
by itself or by force,
by force of lame imaginations
and it remains unattended,
to be forgotten like unread fiction
time and time again, forgotten

S….ca…tt..e……r….e…..d

This happened once back in time, so let me try to get back to blogging with nostalgia. Time to reflect on some past and ask, why and how?

Monday, November 20, 2006
S….ca…tt..e……r….e…..d

There is hardly anything i cant do,
There is hardly anything i can do properly,
I am all over the place,
scattered..
like a three year old kid’s lost marbles on the floor,
and most of them in the farthest corners of the room,
under the bed,in the glass pot,
out of the veranda,
scattered…
and these marbles will not be recollected till evening,
when someone comes, takes trouble,
cursing the kid, kissing his cheeks,
and returns him those marbles back,
only for him to lose them again.
He loves this process, his daily recreation,
I lose myself, I find it again,
itching the remote corners of my head,
its my life,its my sport,
my amusement is my brain.

posted by BlahBlahKid at 6:03 AM

Asmita – Asmita ki khoj mein

Venue : Indian Habitat Centre

Date : 31 May 2008

Time : 5 PM

Event : Asmita Group presents street play

It was a long Friday, stretched longer till Saturday morning in office, assisting Ankit in his work; 2 hours of sleep and up I went to greater Noida for some work with Prabhakar. Here goes the whole day. Tired and sleepy I request Prabhakar to visit IHC as we have Asmita group presenting street plays today, ah, street play, and I see those pictures in mind, kurtas, loud throats, social message, aggression, amazing actors, stunned audience, an observant director, many questions, few answers. Nostalgia, the word ‘street play’ triggered nostalgia.

The stage was set, and then there was this explosion! The first street play talking about road safety had around 25 artists, and the sudden outburst of energy shook the awaiting audience. ‘Gaddi jaandi hai chhalanga maar dee, ho mainnu yaad aaye mere yaaar dee’, the play very subtly talked about how indifferent everyone is about road safety in a highly crowded city like ours and how we deny to take control of whole situation. Be it the drunk truck driver, politically shielded bus driver, a young biker or just one of us walking on the road, it makes no difference to us whatsoever, until we become part of the victim list. Lack of thought, that’s all, traffic is such a wonderful example of the great Hindustani instinct of ‘we can but we won’t’.

The second one was called ‘Rahul Boxer’, and displayed ego VS ethics, how all of us want to prove a lot of things all the time. That urge to win, to exceed, to leave the world behind, irrespective of the ‘how’, we keep aiming. It’s a different world these days, more competitive, more needs, more desires, higher aims, lower reasons! We are living it, kind of. This was done by a few novices, and considering this, it was wonderful.

The third one, again by a few other novices talked about a young rape victim, a ten year old school girl, who was raped by her tuition teacher. Time and time again, questions have been raised on the respect rape victims must receive from police, judiciary and the society, still many unanswered questions revoked. Let alone successful trials of rapists, I am not even sure if the number of rape cases registered are even a fraction of total rapes that happen in a society which feeds everyone with dignity and pride, teaches every man to walk with high head and broad chest. They say the world is nearing its end, I say it hasn’t yet evolved fully, and it’s still a man’s world.

The fourth and the last play again talked about violence again women, and primarily talked about eve teasing and domestic violence, about the grand male ego and their ‘needs’ from their woman. There are times when people compare American marriages to Indian marriages and feel proud that we have such a small divorce ratio, I believe that this isn’t something to feel proud about but to worry about. The main reason behind all this is lack of aggression from the females, their acceptance, and their diffidence! Things may be changing, and changing for the better, but even today, girls are fed with the thought that their husband will be their god, I never heard somebody telling a guy something even similar about his to-be. Had there been any more resistance and a little less acceptance from women, the divorce rate would get higher, but again the dependency matrix and the ethical grooming keeps them away from any revolts. Evolution is not even mid way.

Thanks to Asmita theatre group and Arvind Gaur jee for such a day. It leaves me sad at the end of all such events, thinking what am I doing? I know I am lazy but I know that if I keep looking I will find the way sooner or later, back to hunting!

Look, I was tagged, yipppeeee!!!

Thank you Desi, thanks a lot!!!!

The best TAG ever, better than royal sTAG and or Guru TAGore or Mars atTAG or two shots of TAGila or Dagny TAGgart or any other TAGnical possibility. This is absolutely meaningless, no questions, no tastes, no favourite magazines and good-things-about-your-neighbours-puppy, it’s a say-whatever-you-want-to-say or a no-one-gives-a-damn-to-logic-and-sanity kinds.

I have been wandering since my early blogging days that how long can I keep my natural instinct of speaking out bullshit and meaningless phrases away from this medium of expression and I think that this is the right platform for me to start HARDCORE BULLSHITTING here as well, and this is the genesis of the category BAKAR, the hardcore reality, the reason for mediocre existence and the ultimate route to the divine and the shortcut to the six thousand years of tapasya, standing one legged on a himalaya peak for moksha

Shut up shut up shut up!!!! Ohh it was meant to be a tag, so here goes the details :-

The love-link tag. The Love-link Tag is another of those Linky Love game where you only have to tag 10 person in one post but still there is no actual limit (you can tag more if you want!).
Once tagged, you have to copy paste the link in this post, and make them grow! Do not delete any of the links and be honest to yourself! Copy paste the link in this post, and make them grow!

BennyLiew, RamblingMoo, Mum & Kids In Wonderland, Judelittle, Our mini blogsphere, Rooms in My Heart, http://janiceng.blogspot.com/, ChinNee, Jo-N, LadyJava’s Lounge, Strange but True, Mariuca’s Perfume Gallery, Meet Uncle J-Uncle J, Farah, aNgRiAniWoRLd, How’s Life Bout, The Three Heroes, Ceedy, Veena, Vandita, Cuckoo, desh, dk, (here goes your name)

So pick up the tag if you want to, add your own twist to it and lets see how it goes on.

I tag,

Ankit, Luthra, compulsiveWriter, Naresh, Aditi, Neha, Naveen

btw, i was tagged earlier as well, randomness

Cheeeeeeeeers!!!

Pentropy, yet another name!

If you keep digging, there is a very high probability that you will find answers, and here i find another definition of what I used to think is my brain child

pentropy (pen-tro-pee) n. The tendency for the ballpoint pens at rest on your desk to suddenly and surreptitiously take flight, until none remain. (Once thought to be the result of filching co-workers, now believed attributable to the inexorable contraction of the universe.)

hahaha, thanks to The BradLands

Losing sleep over your dreams

I so much wanted to do this, now and ever! Sit at the centre of a crowded mall and brainshit. And its a dream come true. Here I am, at select citywalk and its 3 PM on a Sunday and I sit alone talking to myself. I have been a little insomniac lately and I can feel it in my head. Here I am surrounded by people, many many many people, many colours many countries, many styles, many tastes, they are all there. But I have a feeling that all these different looking souls have one thing inherently common in them; they are all desultory. Purposelessly walking on the marble which would shine like a mirror, drinking coffees costing more than a poor family’s unconsumed meal for a day, spending easily minted money on senseless movies and coming out laughing but unsatisfied, or they could be just trying to beat the heat in this comfortable, breathe easy temperature when its killing hot outside. Whatever could be the reason, it is pretty much clear that there is no reason at all and thus we have this extraordinary centre of commercial and social activity blossoming with targets, read people.

This place is pretty well designed to titillate all the senses. Its so full of colours and beauty that one’s eyes can’t deny a sparkle, for men and women there is a lot of organic and inorganic pleasure muse available here. There is music all over the place, and there will be places where it is of your taste, if you have any descriptive taste in music, then on an average if you stay here for 2 hours you will definitely find 9.5 songs of your choice being played at different corners of this mall. No need to mention the aroma, everybody who enters here tries to make it pretty sure that he or she doesn’t become the reason for any aberrance, everybody smells good here and the rest is taken care by the air conditioners and the sweet smell inducers installed all over the place. There would be probably a million cuisines that you can find here, perhaps ever more. For an illiterate vegetarian foody like me, it is even difficult to understand more than thirty percent of stuff that is being served here. Anyhow, I would surely mind spending my easy earned money on things I am unsure about. Did I cover all the senses yet, ahh touch! That’s something you have bring with yourself, like most of them did here. Come with your girlfriend or boyfriend, stay close, giggle, cuddle and this is world we wanted to live in. For unwanted singles like me, nothing much that can be done, the total romantic happiness on earth is constant and with the way sex ratio is decreasing in India, it is expected to go down only.

Hmm, good to see the changing face of this country, to see this phenomenal emergence of the great Indian middle class, the greatest army the world has ever seen. Thirty Five crore of them constantly looking to change the face of this world, and all this possible only by an individualistically driven motivation of each one of them. I am so much a part of this pool, perhaps somewhere at the centre of it. At times trying to run away from it, loving it, hating it. But this has created a lots of hysteria and a lot of imbalance. People have started running a lot, wanting more, as everybody’s dearest and electronically omnipresent king khan would say “thoda aur wish karo”. So, here we have these 35 crore people running faster wishing more and loosing sleep over their dreams!!!!

It may all be good for the world, I would have no problems with dreams but the world must have some sort of balance to sustain all these dreams. As long as the kid who sleeps on a sever pipe gets food everyday and is happy about his life, as long as no farmer suicides because mother nature denied the most hardworking of her sons food, as long as the world of a girl is not forced to end in a womb, as long as no one in a far village dies of a mild fever only because he could not buy a crocin, as long as all this happens I will not find life gloomy inside these malls surrounded with great babes with deep cleavage and hot dudes with yo hair styles. Otherwise, this hysteria will keep haunting me, more because of my inability than their disinterest.

Thirty five crores of us, could we ask for a bigger number to make a difference. We could not, but we are free to make choices, isn’t this a great feeling to be born a democratic country which allows us to do what we want, at least it allows us not to do what we do not want, and we have decided not to do anything.

Cheers to our beautiful lives!

My Reincarnation

The kid dances around the flame, the history book pyre is not ominous, its Delicately beautiful

So what if we change

Mausam jo darakhton se patte chheen le

Mausam jo zameenon se paani chura le

Mausam jo baha de har gaaon har koocha

waqt, waqt badal de aise mausam ko bhi!

hum to fir insaan thehre.

darakhton = Trees

On the edge of horizon

I think I can do anything, absolutely anything that a man has ever done or has desired to, with supreme ease and perfection. I can write a great post and manage a wonderful blog, I can. I can do wonders at my workplace by solving all problems in almost no time with greatest efficiency. I can listen to all good songs ever sung and watch all cult movies before next to next Olympics. I can also read some great books, at a swifter speed and a good understanding of what I read. I can also visit places, lot of them, national parks and wild centuries, mountains and beaches, Mizoram and Tripura, Kashmir, Jharkhand and Kerala.

I can exercise, physically and mentally, I can, for sure, crack better jokes. I can become a charmer and can make a lot more friends, and I can keep them. I can decide what I want to do with my life, sooner or later and on different time lengths, and then I can start working on those plans. I can definitely play better cricket, football and few other games.

I can control my anxiety, my anger and my restlessness. I can control in inherent sloth that I was born with. I can increase my typing speed to 80 wpm and accuracy to 98. I can get my weight down to 65Kgs. I can identify an idol and I can follow him/her. I can pick up a guitar and start a rock band. I can shave my head and grow beard. I can marry a girl of my parent’s choice and I can perform all the rituals of a grand Indian marriage. I can dress well and go to all the parties, clean shaved and with polished shoes.

I can earn millions and I can help the needy, I can teach the poor who can’t afford a pencil and I can start schools for such needy. I can also spread awareness about female infanticide. I can join a theatre group, and I can wander around doing street plays, in rains and dust. I can survive without luxuries, laundries and Levi’s. I can join jnu for a part time course. I can learn 5 European languages and 3 South American languages. I can sell salvation to firangis stuck in their materialistic mid life crises and take them for a ride. I can fuck many of them and I can also practice celibacy for the rest of my life.

I can be a better person, overall, I can define my limits and I can walk on the roads I want to. I can be a better son, brother, friend. I can sew up relations, I can be all I want to be, all I have ever wanted to.

Demystified I stand on the edge of the horizon,

My eyes are tired and the sun is waiting,

I take a step and the skies accept me,

I get all I want,

And I wake up to fall asleep forever!

 

Thanks postsecret

Existential Confusion

‘Existential confusion’, this bomb struck me for the first time from an Amartya Sen’s book (ah, sounds so good to quote such names, although you know absolutely nothing about that book or that person and you just managed to complete it). He was explaining it in a very different sense, discussing about identity and violence and misunderstanding and the illusion of destiny (that was the title). The motive was to analyse how the world narrows its thinking while talking identities. You say the word farmer, and clap; you have that image in your head. You just tell someone about your profession or your geographical roots and in a couple of minutes a whole set up preconceived notions will be drawn around you ( arguably, which are correct seven on ten).

 

I’ve seen this term with a different understanding, perhaps as something which relates more to what I feel and what I see. We all live with this eternal dilemma that what is it that we are here for? This may sound futile and desolate to talk about the questions (time and time again) of the lazy, the questions of denial and disapproval, the whys and not the hows, and the sole how in the list would be ‘how does it matter at all?’. I have had the conflict within at times which entices me to disbelieve all that’s being said and all that’s being performed. If everyone is so unaware of the ultimate consequence, what is it that drives us towards everything that’s being done. The brain is a perpetual master, controlling the existence, making it all happen in such a subtle manner that all these bloody complexities dipped in the whys look so obvious and ordinary to us. Only if one can tame it, the questions would all be answered, i have a lot of self belief, and I truly know that I can’t tame it.

These days I’ve been bold, so I would pen another manuscript, ahh, it was 1200 A.D or something, don’t actually remember, but certainly nothing new or fresh, nothing as new as, ummm, what, don’t know!!!

In this world where objects move at the speed of sound,
Its surprising to see the entities swapping roles,
the human life ticks and the clock yawns,
I get confused just to verify my brain’s functioning,
and its ironical that it never disappoints me, I think,
may be I am confused, but I am not sure,
confused about myself,
my presence and my requirement,
5 cups of coffee, semi pressed formals with non-matching socks
and a pushover life,
did you ever come across such an existential confusion?
Did you?