Asmita - Asmita ki khoj mein

Venue : Indian Habitat Centre

Date : 31 May 2008

Time : 5 PM

Event : Asmita Group presents street play

It was a long Friday, stretched longer till Saturday morning in office, assisting Ankit in his work; 2 hours of sleep and up I went to greater Noida for some work with Prabhakar. Here goes the whole day. Tired and sleepy I request Prabhakar to visit IHC as we have Asmita group presenting street plays today, ah, street play, and I see those pictures in mind, kurtas, loud throats, social message, aggression, amazing actors, stunned audience, an observant director, many questions, few answers. Nostalgia, the word ‘street play’ triggered nostalgia.

The stage was set, and then there was this explosion! The first street play talking about road safety had around 25 artists, and the sudden outburst of energy shook the awaiting audience. ‘Gaddi jaandi hai chhalanga maar dee, ho mainnu yaad aaye mere yaaar dee’, the play very subtly talked about how indifferent everyone is about road safety in a highly crowded city like ours and how we deny to take control of whole situation. Be it the drunk truck driver, politically shielded bus driver, a young biker or just one of us walking on the road, it makes no difference to us whatsoever, until we become part of the victim list. Lack of thought, that’s all, traffic is such a wonderful example of the great Hindustani instinct of ‘we can but we won’t’.

The second one was called ‘Rahul Boxer’, and displayed ego VS ethics, how all of us want to prove a lot of things all the time. That urge to win, to exceed, to leave the world behind, irrespective of the ‘how’, we keep aiming. It’s a different world these days, more competitive, more needs, more desires, higher aims, lower reasons! We are living it, kind of. This was done by a few novices, and considering this, it was wonderful.

The third one, again by a few other novices talked about a young rape victim, a ten year old school girl, who was raped by her tuition teacher. Time and time again, questions have been raised on the respect rape victims must receive from police, judiciary and the society, still many unanswered questions revoked. Let alone successful trials of rapists, I am not even sure if the number of rape cases registered are even a fraction of total rapes that happen in a society which feeds everyone with dignity and pride, teaches every man to walk with high head and broad chest. They say the world is nearing its end, I say it hasn’t yet evolved fully, and it’s still a man’s world.

The fourth and the last play again talked about violence again women, and primarily talked about eve teasing and domestic violence, about the grand male ego and their ‘needs’ from their woman. There are times when people compare American marriages to Indian marriages and feel proud that we have such a small divorce ratio, I believe that this isn’t something to feel proud about but to worry about. The main reason behind all this is lack of aggression from the females, their acceptance, and their diffidence! Things may be changing, and changing for the better, but even today, girls are fed with the thought that their husband will be their god, I never heard somebody telling a guy something even similar about his to-be. Had there been any more resistance and a little less acceptance from women, the divorce rate would get higher, but again the dependency matrix and the ethical grooming keeps them away from any revolts. Evolution is not even mid way.

Thanks to Asmita theatre group and Arvind Gaur jee for such a day. It leaves me sad at the end of all such events, thinking what am I doing? I know I am lazy but I know that if I keep looking I will find the way sooner or later, back to hunting!

Losing sleep over your dreams

I so much wanted to do this, now and ever! Sit at the centre of a crowded mall and brainshit. And its a dream come true. Here I am, at select citywalk and its 3 PM on a Sunday and I sit alone talking to myself. I have been a little insomniac lately and I can feel it in my head. Here I am surrounded by people, many many many people, many colours many countries, many styles, many tastes, they are all there. But I have a feeling that all these different looking souls have one thing inherently common in them; they are all desultory. Purposelessly walking on the marble which would shine like a mirror, drinking coffees costing more than a poor family’s unconsumed meal for a day, spending easily minted money on senseless movies and coming out laughing but unsatisfied, or they could be just trying to beat the heat in this comfortable, breathe easy temperature when its killing hot outside. Whatever could be the reason, it is pretty much clear that there is no reason at all and thus we have this extraordinary centre of commercial and social activity blossoming with targets, read people.

This place is pretty well designed to titillate all the senses. Its so full of colours and beauty that one’s eyes can’t deny a sparkle, for men and women there is a lot of organic and inorganic pleasure muse available here. There is music all over the place, and there will be places where it is of your taste, if you have any descriptive taste in music, then on an average if you stay here for 2 hours you will definitely find 9.5 songs of your choice being played at different corners of this mall. No need to mention the aroma, everybody who enters here tries to make it pretty sure that he or she doesn’t become the reason for any aberrance, everybody smells good here and the rest is taken care by the air conditioners and the sweet smell inducers installed all over the place. There would be probably a million cuisines that you can find here, perhaps ever more. For an illiterate vegetarian foody like me, it is even difficult to understand more than thirty percent of stuff that is being served here. Anyhow, I would surely mind spending my easy earned money on things I am unsure about. Did I cover all the senses yet, ahh touch! That’s something you have bring with yourself, like most of them did here. Come with your girlfriend or boyfriend, stay close, giggle, cuddle and this is world we wanted to live in. For unwanted singles like me, nothing much that can be done, the total romantic happiness on earth is constant and with the way sex ratio is decreasing in India, it is expected to go down only.

Hmm, good to see the changing face of this country, to see this phenomenal emergence of the great Indian middle class, the greatest army the world has ever seen. Thirty Five crore of them constantly looking to change the face of this world, and all this possible only by an individualistically driven motivation of each one of them. I am so much a part of this pool, perhaps somewhere at the centre of it. At times trying to run away from it, loving it, hating it. But this has created a lots of hysteria and a lot of imbalance. People have started running a lot, wanting more, as everybody’s dearest and electronically omnipresent king khan would say “thoda aur wish karo”. So, here we have these 35 crore people running faster wishing more and loosing sleep over their dreams!!!!

It may all be good for the world, I would have no problems with dreams but the world must have some sort of balance to sustain all these dreams. As long as the kid who sleeps on a sever pipe gets food everyday and is happy about his life, as long as no farmer suicides because mother nature denied the most hardworking of her sons food, as long as the world of a girl is not forced to end in a womb, as long as no one in a far village dies of a mild fever only because he could not buy a crocin, as long as all this happens I will not find life gloomy inside these malls surrounded with great babes with deep cleavage and hot dudes with yo hair styles. Otherwise, this hysteria will keep haunting me, more because of my inability than their disinterest.

Thirty five crores of us, could we ask for a bigger number to make a difference. We could not, but we are free to make choices, isn’t this a great feeling to be born a democratic country which allows us to do what we want, at least it allows us not to do what we do not want, and we have decided not to do anything.

Cheers to our beautiful lives!

On the edge of horizon

I think I can do anything, absolutely anything that a man has ever done or has desired to, with supreme ease and perfection. I can write a great post and manage a wonderful blog, I can. I can do wonders at my workplace by solving all problems in almost no time with greatest efficiency. I can listen to all good songs ever sung and watch all cult movies before next to next Olympics. I can also read some great books, at a swifter speed and a good understanding of what I read. I can also visit places, lot of them, national parks and wild centuries, mountains and beaches, Mizoram and Tripura, Kashmir, Jharkhand and Kerala.

I can exercise, physically and mentally, I can, for sure, crack better jokes. I can become a charmer and can make a lot more friends, and I can keep them. I can decide what I want to do with my life, sooner or later and on different time lengths, and then I can start working on those plans. I can definitely play better cricket, football and few other games.

I can control my anxiety, my anger and my restlessness. I can control in inherent sloth that I was born with. I can increase my typing speed to 80 wpm and accuracy to 98. I can get my weight down to 65Kgs. I can identify an idol and I can follow him/her. I can pick up a guitar and start a rock band. I can shave my head and grow beard. I can marry a girl of my parent’s choice and I can perform all the rituals of a grand Indian marriage. I can dress well and go to all the parties, clean shaved and with polished shoes.

I can earn millions and I can help the needy, I can teach the poor who can’t afford a pencil and I can start schools for such needy. I can also spread awareness about female infanticide. I can join a theatre group, and I can wander around doing street plays, in rains and dust. I can survive without luxuries, laundries and Levi’s. I can join jnu for a part time course. I can learn 5 European languages and 3 South American languages. I can sell salvation to firangis stuck in their materialistic mid life crises and take them for a ride. I can fuck many of them and I can also practice celibacy for the rest of my life.

I can be a better person, overall, I can define my limits and I can walk on the roads I want to. I can be a better son, brother, friend. I can sew up relations, I can be all I want to be, all I have ever wanted to.

Demystified I stand on the edge of the horizon,

My eyes are tired and the sun is waiting,

I take a step and the skies accept me,

I get all I want,

And I wake up to fall asleep forever!

 

Thanks postsecret

Existential Confusion

‘Existential confusion’, this bomb struck me for the first time from an Amartya Sen’s book (ah, sounds so good to quote such names, although you know absolutely nothing about that book or that person and you just managed to complete it). He was explaining it in a very different sense, discussing about identity and violence and misunderstanding and the illusion of destiny (that was the title). The motive was to analyse how the world narrows its thinking while talking identities. You say the word farmer, and clap; you have that image in your head. You just tell someone about your profession or your geographical roots and in a couple of minutes a whole set up preconceived notions will be drawn around you ( arguably, which are correct seven on ten).

 

I’ve seen this term with a different understanding, perhaps as something which relates more to what I feel and what I see. We all live with this eternal dilemma that what is it that we are here for? This may sound futile and desolate to talk about the questions (time and time again) of the lazy, the questions of denial and disapproval, the whys and not the hows, and the sole how in the list would be ‘how does it matter at all?’. I have had the conflict within at times which entices me to disbelieve all that’s being said and all that’s being performed. If everyone is so unaware of the ultimate consequence, what is it that drives us towards everything that’s being done. The brain is a perpetual master, controlling the existence, making it all happen in such a subtle manner that all these bloody complexities dipped in the whys look so obvious and ordinary to us. Only if one can tame it, the questions would all be answered, i have a lot of self belief, and I truly know that I can’t tame it.

These days I’ve been bold, so I would pen another manuscript, ahh, it was 1200 A.D or something, don’t actually remember, but certainly nothing new or fresh, nothing as new as, ummm, what, don’t know!!!

In this world where objects move at the speed of sound,
Its surprising to see the entities swapping roles,
the human life ticks and the clock yawns,
I get confused just to verify my brain’s functioning,
and its ironical that it never disappoints me, I think,
may be I am confused, but I am not sure,
confused about myself,
my presence and my requirement,
5 cups of coffee, semi pressed formals with non-matching socks
and a pushover life,
did you ever come across such an existential confusion?
Did you?

The Insignificant return

I should reboot my writings with reasons. Reasons for disappearing, reasons for the dead muse and the reasons for indifference; But I have none, at least none of them consolidated or interesting. A lot should have happened in this period of time, but alas, this has been one of the most sluggish and dry phase of my life. Again, reasons, even drier and meaningless.

Insignificance, I found the word around which I can now sugar coat this piece of writing. Yes, the word is insignificance. I haven’t been doing anything significant; I was always busy taking part in insignificant hurdle races all this while. At one point in time, one begins to realize that all these races are circular, and you always find the starting point. Mandatory and monotonous, these races differ in contrasts and speed, relay after relay their attributes vary giving us a sweet illusion of an upheaving hierarchy, a motivation for all of us to run, to take part in the race.

Anyways, let me still try to think about a few things that I did (or didn’t do) all this while:

1. Finally I saw Dr. Strangelove and that’s the first thing that comes to mind so you can interpret the rest. (IT’S A MUST SEE)
2. No new music no new books. Disgraceful.
3. I feel fatter, lazier and even more useless.
4. I haven’t yet received a positive result on my CAT hunt debut; with only one more result to come I am quite certain that I will have to spend 11K rupees in filling forms next year as well.
5. I can’t think of anything else right now.

I believe I can continue from here to start a second innings, pretty soon I should be coming with my post on ‘What’s eating Gilbert Grape’, till then bye from an insignificant entity.

Bhatak Maro Mat koi

“saat janam ke saat pher hain…saanp seedhi hai bhai….yam ka dand mund mein laaage, dharee rahe chaturai”

These are lines from a song called Kabira(Agnee) .From last 10 odd days I have been listening to Kabira and Sadho re from the same band and it just doesn’t leave me. After I have heard the song kabira for some 20 times I realize that I am not getting all the words, let me find out what is the media player singing. And I noticed this line, specially the second half of it – ‘yam ka dand mund mein laaage, dharee rahe chaturai’, and it gave me Goosebumps, I listened to it again and again and again, as it was constantly pulling me towards itself.

What is there in this one single line makes me feel so twitchy? Is it the words, is it the subject, is it the music that runs behind the words, is it the voice, is it the death scare, what the hell is this? While writing this I am still pondering over the possible answers to these questions. And the closest I can get is this:-

I feel that in spite of the ‘self-defined’ heights we reach, irrespective of the mammoth size we attain and the amount of achievements we grab, steal or earn, the inherent reality of our existence hides itself in the fact that we are still miniscule components in the over all scenario. Miniscule, when compared to space and to the time line on which we exist. Do we even need to give a thought to this, I can’t say.

The other song ‘Sadho re, ye murdo ka gaaon’ speaks about all this. It laments over the whole concept of death and it does it with eyes settled on the roads, in a market, in an office, in an apartment. It sees them all, walking, dancing and drinking fresh orange juice and vintage scotch. The song says it all, and the whole ambiance speaks it as well, only if one decides to convince his mind to open up for it.

‘kahe kabeer suno bhi sadho, bhatak maro mat koi’

Bhatak maro mat koi! The whole wail is not actually a wail. The meaning is clear, absolutely plain. The whole game of life, death and existence isn’t mechanical and meaningless. The noetic quest is the fuel, understand it! As long as one can fuel it with the urge to know about it, life is on, else, innumerable species of mammals, birds, reptiles and other creatures also respire, everybody got their mechanism, you have yours. And the famous 1960’s dialog ‘It’s all about the choices you make!!’.

Bhatak maro mat koi!

I found one more missing part of the jigsaw, Thanks Kabeer, you rock!!

Climax Unknown

no space to breathe, and still ironically
no eyes to envision,
the invisible realities of
your one man desultory game,
but we never stop playing.

a thousand voices,
those creaks and that noises,
of haphazardly haunting silence in your head,
and your requiem for your conscious,
but we never stop singing.

 

stuck stationary in this hastening surrounding,
feeling the wilderness of,
your sudden unwelcome but unavoidable
anachronistic bemusement,
and you tremble along the way,
but we never stop stop moving.

 

love,desire,satisfaction,power,intellect,
virtues of a man, the feeling of disassociation.
And a kid throwing pebbles,
on the dead bright face of a lake,
beautifully vacuous of everything,
nothing to gain nothing to lose,
complete in himself,
unlike you or this work.

 

Poem Source : Unknown

Picture Source : PostSecret

 

r.A.n.D.o.m.N.e.S.S

Naresh believes I am random. Affirmation! And thus he wants me to pen down 8 random things about me. I am just feeling Okay right now, not in one of my ecstatic, top of the world moods. So I believe it’s just the right time for me to write a post like this. Hence, here I state eight random things about me:

 

1. My state of mind is so unclear that it amuses me that how am I still surviving in this sane society, even now. Earlier I used to find this a distinctive feature until I realized that this is nothing but one of the mob quality. It somehow makes me feel better, as I feel that I am not actually ‘mentally sick’.

2. I have this tendency to become suddenly so depressed and ‘over-self-criticizing’ and ‘mean-to-myself’ and ‘lets-be-a-real-life-A k hangal’, and I believe it happens for no reasons at all. But surely, that happens because of some idiotic emotional turbulence in my subconscious, perhaps though!

3. My sleeping habits are getting worse, I feel like crashing at eleven, its so early that it scares me!

4. I have never been so undecided about what to do with my life as much as I am right now. This statement remains true on every next date on the face of calendar because as long as I live, the confusion deepens and worsens.

5. I don’t want to get married, ever! And I pray that I may remain firm on at least one of the things I say I seriously believe in. On the contrary, my mind refreshes its total philosophy every three years. This scares me as well!

6. More than anything else in my life, I want to adopt a girl child. That’s my only desire today! Amen!

7. I feel like killing myself when I think about the ‘What if’ chain. It seriously takes me to nowhere and makes me feel that no use living. Thank god, it’s generally a short term spike.

8. I jump from one boat to another thinking I will row this one harder, but I never do. I have realized that I am too lazy to do anything. I think I will just be able to survive, and now I have started believing that I am far too over-rated in all the places I get appraised, paid, represented and distinguished. I am beginning to find life tough and this losing interest in life, ahh, could be dangerous. Let’s see!

Tagging:- Smriti, Biraja, Vaani, Luthra, Abhishek Harish, Eesha, Abhishek Khurana, Pooja, Sonja, Divya (This is also a platform for all those with are yet to start one, All the best!!!!)

Love!

Innumerable times I thought that I would actually pick up this more of a cliché topic for my blog. And when I thought of writing all I could think of is a big blank white sheet of paper, calm silence and thoughtless sensations. But I think I can still hold the pen and try to draw my design on the most hyped of all the feelings. And perhaps. rightly so!

First of all in this post I must mention this disclaimer that my posts are totally biased towards the breed of people similar to me, as the varieties in this world are immense, nothing can be discussed on a generic platform and everything is so very personalized and customized according to what goes on around someone.

Coming back to the mainline; Love, hmm let me check wordweb first of all. Oh my lord, 7 meanings as noun and another 4 as verbs. Let me take the nice ones and then I can do the autopsy!

• ‘A strong positive emotion of regard and affection’, sounds good.
• The second one is more obvious to our senses ‘A beloved person; used as terms of endearment’
• And similarly ‘A deep feeling of sexual desire and attraction’,
• The first verb ‘Have a great affection or liking for’
• The rest are all same stuff said using different words, so no point mentioning.

So, now the time to put in my view, you already know it (in case you have read my previous posts!), I am confused about this phenomena as well. (Believe me anand astro physics is easier!!). More importantly, I am confused about the naming conventions. The exact meaning isn’t so clear to anyone, at least not to me. It is such an abstract and immeasurable term that you never know what the hell is the hype about.

Connecting it with the hormonal hullabaloo and other biological activities may actually help me understand it in some subtle manner, but there my lack of education in that domain restricts the addition of my awareness and knowledge and I am not that sad about that either, I never wanted to study bio anyways . Now, how do I get my curiosity curbed? Hmm, some of my so-called ‘experienced’ friends speak like a sage and tell ‘Beta, you will understand it all once you get into it!!’, Oh, ok sir, you mean I need to sit and wait for the rainy day to understand the water cycle. Let it be then!

But, it’s been a long time yaar, some twenty three dry years; there must have been some drop of rain! Did I miss it? Oops, stupid me, I must keep my eyes open. I think that like most of the things, I will calmly stay silent on this topic as well, without a clear viewpoint, trying to observe more of life, finding more meaning in what this love scenario is all about before I develop a view of my own.

But at the same time I think I have been in love lately, I am not so sure about it as well, because I still miss that strong end of the road feeling that ’seen that done that’, yea I feel that Forest Gump feeling for sure that “Having the best days of my life”, May be its all about that. The realization that this is best time you have ever had, the best feeling you have felt, sounds so imaginative, but sounds true, feels good!

I think I am lost, and it’s not a new thing for me to think. I love being lost, and I don’t want to lose being loved!

Cheers!!!!!

 

Ambition Ambivalencies & Ambiguity

Today the network is down and hence I cannot do anything else but listen to some songs and talk to people and, ah, yea and think. So it’s better to think and pen down something rather than think and do nothing.

I don’t know why I decide to write on ambition, it’s picked by an absolutely random spike of thought. And perhaps, because I feel confused about the whole scenario of ambition and achievements and successes and failures and the world surrounding it. It goes back to our school days (considering our good old Indian scenario); where we were told and preached to perform the obvious compulsions to our possible bests, and the only yardstick was academics (unfortunately, though) and hence there were Ramas, Ravanas and Hanumanas according to the reflections of their report cards. I still feel this could have been better; it’s still not that bad anyways. But I think that compulsive force drives us to places we are forced to realize are the places we want to be, and the sad thing is that this becomes a way we live and we continue flowing with the rivers all the time.

Yes, the domination of herd becomes distinctly visible here. At least to my software engineer friends it should. The path has been more or less same for all of us. An above average score in secondary examinations mixed with the social notion of science as the life gate for the high scorer student takes you to science field. And in spite of the huge ocean of opportunities, we filter out engineering and medical and decide to increment the unimaginable container of proficient and hollow and pretending and amazing and all sorts of ‘technical experts’ by one. Parents happy, the guy looks ‘settled’, for at least next few years no more brainstorming of ‘what do I do with my life?’

So, we enter this herd container, next arrives the feeling of greed and incompleteness, now the guy wants more, what do I do now! A master’s degree, hmm yea looks like a good option! Done with technical stuff, lets try management. Or the great mentos minds will go and give a GRE, (arrre yaar, why waste all the knowledge that we have gained without doing an MS? from a cool university!)

So, we end up getting a big fat job, everything is fine, the career is made, life mystery resolved, life is beautiful! Convince your girl friend’s dad, get married! Just give your parents a hint your want to tie, they will get your married (I don’t understand, why getting your first son working is such a big dream). Have kids, join a gym and try to lose fat, get a spacious car, get appraised, and get screwed for getting appraised! You are in thirties and it’s still a long way left.

It doesn’t impress me, it never did, and it never shall (hopefully!). We form the herd, run with it, and we never find time to sit back and realize that it’s not always a race that we have to win. We never know what we want and what we need!

When I compare myself to peers, I feel contented, desires lacking and ambitions unclear! But may be it’s just at the surface as it looks like, perhaps it’s a deception, a blind walk along the herd. I console myself by telling that hopefully I think beyond the herd and will do something that everyone doesn’t, but the mere fact that I think this and never implements it puts me at the centre of that huge mediocre crowd trying to make a point. But yea, there is one thing that makes some of us different, the realization of the fact that what difference would it make when we get out of this herd! We become part of another herd. Existence isn’t as simple as mathematics, or for the matter of fact, not even as simple as astro-physics. Its complex, at least for me! Think.

 Postsecret

Can you imagine?

• can you imagine how this world would be if we all spoke all we felt, there is an intuitive feel that things would go haywire, but I feel it could be much better. We all like our drinks in transparent glasses, don’t we!
• can you imagine how today would be if we could swap the day before and the day ahead recursively. I know my tomorrow and not my yesterday, this design could lead to all sort of confusions but looks like a fun idea.
• can you imagine the world as a mono-gender society, with just one gender! I may be erasing an immense ocean of evolution, emotions, humanistic from the face of existence, but perhaps it could lead to the solutions of other immense seas of questions.
• can you imagine the accessibility of a human being’s control over himself at times he is crazy and he feels that he is left with absolutely zilch, be it importance, be it zeal, be it aggression, or be it the simple everyday pinch, existence! I want to imagine it, but my confidence in my ineptness knocks me down and then I ask others ‘Can You Imagine?’

Existential Confusion

In this world where objects move at the speed of sound,
Its surprising to see the entities swapping roles,
the human life ticks and the clock yawns,
I get confused just to verify my brain’s functioning,
and its ironical that it never disappoints me,
I think, may be I am confused, but I am not sure,
confused about myself, my presence and my requirement,
5 cups of coffee, semi pressed formals with non-matching socks and a pushover life,
did you ever come across such an existential confusion?

Either too simple or inconceivably complex!

Stuck up in the real dilemma, or just playing the same routine life day after day, week after week nothing changes, everything is so static and even if it transforming, the speed is so unacceptably slow that I don’t realize it. This morning a gtalk status message read ‘The road to success…  Is always under construction.’ it confuses me to a painfully thought provoking extent. What is it that we want, success, what is it? Who defines it! Who draws the line, the limits! And most importantly, who cares?

 

I believe that all of us find out time from our pushed by herds all around life to ask a few questions to ourselves and most of these questions begin with ‘why’.  Why do we do anything that we do? What difference would it make? What is real meaning of our paltry existence? Why is this whole circus being created and managed and more amusingly, how? What if, it was all not there at all? Who designs and manages it all? And all that we crave for all the time all the time the desires that our naïve mind keeps generating all the time, money, fame, success, sex, knowledge, power, strength and what not, what if we had them all? What difference would it make, to me and to the world and hence recursive questions occur, this is the vicious most circles of all, probably that’s life. Or may be my scientific reasoning is too immature, and hence the birth of all these questions, or perhaps my spiritual beliefs as too placid and simple to believe any theories and preconceived notions. Whatever it is, at times, such thoughts kill me.

 

But, a pragmatic (as an intelligent grown up social element would name it) approach to such not so useful thought process would be accepting ignorance and flowing with the times and the lives because unlimited pondering over the same thoughts time and time again won’t make things any simpler and may deviate any simpler solutions that may be there for these questions. So, we continue to slog ourselves in those itchy spheres of life where some force plays around with time and space and we become part of the great game called existence. There are no rules, there is no winner, its just an ongoing circus with a lot of performers and a lot more performers (I have refined the word joker!) and spend the on stage time the way we want to, craving for more desiring elements, unknowingly and sometimes unwontedly as well. Just like that!

 

Life is either too simple or inconceivably complex to comprehend, but almost all of us live it just in between. Neither enjoying the subtle ground realities of come-live-go nor digging the real truth of what the hell is this all about. Just somewhere in the middle, there is a long time left, may be we should think about making our way out of the interval line and taking up one of the more sensible fields.

 

Dying to defy the quest

 

Picture : Postsecret thanks again

The Blog, The Time, The Muse and The Confusion!

Time and time again I try to figure out what to do with my time, and I reconsider and reconsider and ignore. Work will never be my natural inclination, it has never been. So I find options, and I see a handful of those. Bright, Deceptive, Tempting, Enticing options. Thus, after some cricket, a little football, a lot of music, movies in bulk, some reads here and there, personal poetry, and unwanted and unlimited blah blah I now move on to ‘random blogging’, my so called pentropy!

So, now when I have decided to pen down my internal quest for nothing, I struggle on the start line finding an appropriate muse (unsure if actually there is any muse required?). Or, may be I can just keep writing things totally ignoring obvious embarrassment, which would actually cement my thought of existentialism. Need to buy some kill-the-confusion pills, where do we get those?

Or, just leave it all exactly the way it is, the thought of everything falling in right places bewilders me. There is nothing as spineless and boring as Utopia. The blog has only started and it is already proving its point, the post doesn’t say much, you don’t get to add a new fact to your kitty, nor it does any value addition to your intellect, this is exemplary uncertainty of thoughts, randomness and meaningless scribble, that’s pentropy for you!